Testing Sir

I had intended for my first post to be about how I first became a submissive, but that will have to wait. Something happened tonight that I had to write and get my thoughts out.

Sir and I were texting and he admitted something that I was not sure how I felt about. In turn, it brought up other questions in my mind. Rather than discuss these thoughts and feelings with Sir (you see, I'm emotionally stunted) I decided to act out and shut down on him.

Shutting down is a classic maneuver of mine when I don't want to deal. I acted harshly to Sir and then refused to respond to his texts. Normally, this would be it, but something occurred to me. I was, in my own way, testing Sir.

You see, he is a strong, dominant man, but we often joke about his "paranoid guy" side. Paranoid Guy did try to show up tonight, which only pushed me farther away. After several unanswered texts from Sir he finally said something that prompted a response from me.

"Then be the alpha male that I need you to be."

Boy, did Sir step up. He was assertive, without being mean or cruel.

"You will obey me."

Good lord, did that make me shiver and bite my lip. But it was exactly what I needed. Sir is my protector, and he needs to realize that sometimes that even means protecting me from myself.

I tend to push boundaries, in my own sadomasochistic way. And even though I know he loves me I sometimes question him.

I feel great remorse over any pain I may have caused Sir over my insane test while I was being cruel and ignoring him. I will accept any punishment that he sees as fit.