All Sides of Me

Tomorrow I get to see Sir. It's been two weeks and it feels like a month. I'm having mixed emotions about seeing him. There's the loving, tender side of me that is just looking forward to being in his arms once again. There's the animalistic side of me that is looking forward to devouring him. There's the submissive side of me that is looking forward to surrendering to him. I'm thinking that a little bit of each part of me will show up tomorrow, which should make it interesting.

On my last blog entry I called out Sir about his lack of follow through with promised spankings. He says that tomorrow they will be delivered. I had worked up quite the count (part of them due to my sassy blog entry.) I have since earned another set. I am not scared of Sir. I know he will never hurt me. I trust him implicitly. However, I am a little nervous about the quantity. But Sir says that he knows how to administer them so that there will be no real pain, only sweet, desired pain.

But today, we are out of communication temporarily while he gets his new phone. So, I will have to deal with these feelings by myself until I get to see him tomorrow and let all my sides and feelings take over. And that ain't an easy thing!

Being perfect, doesn't mean perfection

I love you baby. I love My Good Girl. I love my sub. Anyone reading this blog knows that I love her and will always love her.

Recently the issue of could My Good Girl continue to be my sub, if she continues to make mistakes came up. Making mistakes is a common, if not, essential part of being a sub. Mistakes our the most basic ways that humans learn.

Any Dom, with any common sense, knows his sub will make mistakes and will make then on a regular basis.

My Good Girl needs to know that you are a perfect sub. You are so because you choose to submit, you choose to be Dominated and you try so hard to please me. That is why you are perfect.

When you make mistakes, it's my job to correct you, teach you properly and guide you in the right direction. Failure to learn from your mistakes is my fault.  My fault for not guiding you properly.

Lately, you have needed me to be more assertive and that you can count on happening.  I love you baby and I am so sorry for using mean language with you. It too will never happen again. A good Dom should not need such language.

I love My Good Girl, we are still learning and growing and I  will never give up on us. Count on it!

Release Me From The Chains that Bind Me

Sweet Stinging Rosiness

Yes, I'm still Sir's Good Girl, a submissive, even when there is distance between Sir and myself, but it's not the same.

I long to be close to him and to feel his firm hand bringing that sweet, stinging rosiness to my cheeks. I find myself being sassy when we talk on the phone, in the hopes of building up spankings that will hopefully be delivered the next time we are together.

Sir keeps promising that spankings will be delivered, but I have my doubts. Often times, when we are together, he has missed me so much that he is only tender and loving and the Dom side doesn't come out too much. Not that I'm complaining about the tender, loving side, but I am also Sir's Good Girl and I need my Dom. I'm sure he needs is submissive as well.

So, I will continue to be sassy and see if Sir is all talk or not.

That's right Sir, I'm waiting...

Not the same Girl and I would have it no other way.

I still recall the day My Good Girl and I began our journey as a D/s couple. We had discussed many items, but one I remember the most was our "phrase." We had agreed on a phrase that would be the signal for My Good Girl to "Go into sub mode" for me.

As of this date, I have never had to use that phrase. The moment My Good Girl and I are together, I see her instantly become My Good Girl. She becomes the woman I know her to be. The woman that I love and admire. My Beautiful Submissive.

My Good Girl is truly a wonderful and amazing woman. One that I would not change for anything in heaven or earth. She is perfect the way she is.

My only regret is when I have to leave her side and release her from my arms. When I am apart from her, I actually feel the places on my body, wherer parts of me are missing because she is not with me. She is not just my sub, but my friend, lover and confidant. She is My Soulmate.

Being apart from My Good Girl is a burden, but one I accept. I consider it the price I must pay for being allowed to be a part of such an amazing person's life. One day, I pray, the separation will be over and I will have her in my arms everyday till end of time. However, till that day comes I will pay any price for the honor of being a part of her life.

Answering My Good Girls Test

I had attempted to comment on My Good Girl's post on Saturday Morning, but due to an ID TEN T (ID10T = IDIOT) error, I am re-writing it now.

I love My Good Girl more than I can ever express. I do wish to address the issue of punishment. Does My Good Girl feel she needs punishment and if so, we will agree on the method of such punishment before it occurs.

A punishment is not for the purpose of pain and I certainly get no pleasure from it. The purpose is to give My Good Girl peace of mind that her disobedience is in the past. She can move forward knowing her actions are "water under the bridge."

In order to be a good Dom, I need to know what My Good Girl is thinking. I know you and can read you better than anyone, but still I have to know your thoughts and feelings. I love this blog for that purpose.

Last nights events are an example that we are still growing as a D/s couple and are still learning from each other. I love you baby. I love and will always love My Good Girl. Your submission to me is a true gift. One that I will never squander.

A Different Girl

Sir and I do not live together. Hell, we're not even in the same zip code. That's right, we have a long distance relationship. Not only do we have the typical challenges that a vanilla couple has with long distances, but we have the added layer of the D/s component.

I think this may be why it is that much harder when we have to say goodbye.

Not only do I depend on Sir for his love, protection and guidance, but he depends on me for my love, devotion and support. We truly bring out the best in each other, even when it's learning through misunderstandings.

I am a different person when I'm with Sir. I'm the person I have evolved into. He does not judge me or wish to change me. Sir accepts me and all my facets. By doing this, he helps me to be an even better version of myself.

And I love this woman!

So yes, when we are apart it pains me even more because this other woman, this different me, becomes lost. And we struggle to come to some semblance of balance.

I miss you, baby. I miss you, Sir.

Sir and My Good Girl.

I wanted to tell the world that I love My Good Girl. She is not a naturally submissive person. In fact most people who know her would never have a clue she is not just a sub, but a collared sub.

Because she is a naturally dominant person, it is against her nature to be submissive. This makes her a better sub. She makes a conscious decision to submit to me and it is truly a beautiful sight.

My Good Girl knows she can trust me and knows Sir will never violate that trust. I see the trust and faith, in her eyes, when we are together. My Good Girl obeys my every command without out hesitation or reservations.

She has a safe word but knows she will never need it. Sir would hate himself if he caused her pain or fear that made her use her safe word. As a good Dom, I will push your boundaries but will never abuse your trust.

My Good Girl is my first full time sub partner and I'm still learning from her as much as teaching her.

I am a true Dominant and I am so in all aspects of my life. From my job, hobbies, side work that I do for play money to the video games I play. Yet, I still have a paranoid guy that lives inside me. He lives there because I fear loosing what matters most. I hate paranoid guy, because he is an insult to My Good Girl and her love for me. I'm learning to kick his ass though, I remind myself that My Good Girl loves her Dom.

My Good Girl is a challenge and a challenge that I gladly accept. I welcome the challenge to teach her and help her grow as a submissive. Yet as any true Dom knows the sub has the ultimate control in a D/s relationship. From a vanilla sub, through slave to a pain slut. Nothing can legally be done to them that is not welcomed and allowed. Thus, My Good Girls submission to me is a treasured gift of love.

Sir loves you baby.

Testing Sir

I had intended for my first post to be about how I first became a submissive, but that will have to wait. Something happened tonight that I had to write and get my thoughts out.

Sir and I were texting and he admitted something that I was not sure how I felt about. In turn, it brought up other questions in my mind. Rather than discuss these thoughts and feelings with Sir (you see, I'm emotionally stunted) I decided to act out and shut down on him.

Shutting down is a classic maneuver of mine when I don't want to deal. I acted harshly to Sir and then refused to respond to his texts. Normally, this would be it, but something occurred to me. I was, in my own way, testing Sir.

You see, he is a strong, dominant man, but we often joke about his "paranoid guy" side. Paranoid Guy did try to show up tonight, which only pushed me farther away. After several unanswered texts from Sir he finally said something that prompted a response from me.

"Then be the alpha male that I need you to be."

Boy, did Sir step up. He was assertive, without being mean or cruel.

"You will obey me."

Good lord, did that make me shiver and bite my lip. But it was exactly what I needed. Sir is my protector, and he needs to realize that sometimes that even means protecting me from myself.

I tend to push boundaries, in my own sadomasochistic way. And even though I know he loves me I sometimes question him.

I feel great remorse over any pain I may have caused Sir over my insane test while I was being cruel and ignoring him. I will accept any punishment that he sees as fit.